everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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