Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
