I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize