Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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