so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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