Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My feet surprised me
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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