i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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