There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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