btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
