my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
