not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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