Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
