I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
