You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
