Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize