Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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