What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
