Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize