How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
