her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
