i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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