Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
