I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need to sanitize my soul.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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