question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize