She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize