Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
