I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
