Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
