Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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