i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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