if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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