And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
