I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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