Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
