There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
