bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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