After last night, I could never be a politician.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
