Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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