It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
