i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
