Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
