If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
