i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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