Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
