how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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