i permit you to call me
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
