I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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