Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
