She is in my trunk
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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