There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Don't EVER smell your tampon
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
