from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
