I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
