What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
