Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
