if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
