I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
