I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my poor anus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
