I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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