nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
