1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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