his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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