Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
