My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
