Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
