Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
