That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
