why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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