Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
