Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
