guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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