If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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