Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
