we're blogging at a bar
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
