They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
