I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
